| Monday, November 21st, 2005 |
| 11:06 pm |
MFF Con report
Was I the only one at this con? I couldnt find anybody at all!......... Oh yeah..I wasnt able to make it this year...first time in 5 years i missed convention number 10 for me...MFF happened to be my fave con to..but the GED classes took authority over it..and i had to stay behind Im glad to hear alot of people loved their con, and specially to hear about the little amount of drama...i seriously hope to make it next year, i will be even more upset then i was this year if i miss it next time night all Current Mood:  Upset but happy |
| Friday, November 11th, 2005 |
| 10:34 pm |
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| Tuesday, November 8th, 2005 |
| 11:35 pm |
Addition
One thing I thought of that I did miss mentioning was the fact that nothing seems to get finished in my life time anymore Commissions, requests gift pics (for pics that is), self projects, the basement in which i live in (since it got flooded and then ripped apart) Life has been stressful not being able to live where i was intended to int his house, no basement, no privacy, no comfert in recent ...well lil over a month now..and they claimed it would only TAKE about a month tops... Certain people out there listenin to this..I do want those commissions done still...I still exist..and it kinda hurts to have things promised then not delivered...its life i know..but its also business Current Mood:  annoyed |
| 5:32 pm |
Follow up
Sat down and took a look at myself last night. Ill hafto admit..dispight stepping forward in my life for a change with the GED classes Im taking...Im quite disapointed in myself. All Ive been doing is those classes and working. Went and found myself a job unloading trucks at Toys 'R' Us. Nice as it is to have a...steady flow of money I guess. I feel that having a job right now is bad timing, not to mention Ive been sick since I started this job. Im feeling I shouldnt be working there, which is a bad thought to have. The GED classes have been going okay. I admit though Ive been rather bad with them. Skipping classes here and there, not getting to the full extent. Last night I even skipped THE practice test for the main test. Which I really should have gone to, to get a feel for how the real test would feel. Reason I didnt go was the fact I was coughing and gagging from coughing so much. Often leaving me breathless. I still should have gone reguardless, but I found myself fighting a bout of depression. Depression Ive managed to avoid for a good while I might add. Thinking back on myself. Aside the GED class I havent done a thing for myself. I keep talkin this and that, but no action to back it up. The main reason I got depressed as such again. Is the fact Im still quite alone in this house. Yes I know very well I have MANY of wonderful friends I wouldnt trade for the world. Though none of these friends can give me what I feel I think I need. Love. Yes back to this depression again. My heart feeling empty watching all those around me quite happy. I dont know. Ive come along way since I started out here. My confidence boosted 10 fold easily since I became a fur and met all of you wonderful people in my life now. But for some reason I still cant manage to find someone to be with. I just need something alittle more then what Im able to get. I dont know how to get it though. Words still fail me when lookin to others. Ive been told many times lately that I have a very strong voice, something Ive never noticed. Though it doesnt seem to help me fully in finding someone to be close to. Gods I think i might even need to be set up with someone. You know get a kick in the ass to start? Other things Ive been thinkin about. Well comfy as I am with my body. I still want to thin down some and become more fit. Getting winded from a small bikeride is rather disconcerting. The problem is that I dont know how to get the excersize I need to thin down. Dont know anyone in the area that could help me do this either. I fully admit, I need help! I dont know how to do alot of things. I often find myself to ebmarrassed to admit it. I need help excersizing, learning certain skills to better aspects of my life. Ive always wanted to learn more of the computer hardware. But never had the money do learn with actual parts. I had my eyes opened to modding cases in the recent days thanks to an awesome magazine I had bought. I want to get into that aswell but havent the tools nor the artistic know how. Ice wolf put it well in saying that I need to learn how to draw. Reason I think it was a good point is that I have SO many ideas in my head that I just cant seem to express. Im lost. I need tutors for anything people want to teach me. I need more in my life then video games and chatting online. I need to learn how to run D&D games as I seem to know how to run card games rather well as a DM. I need to learn how to go out and have a good time. Worst of alot of things. Im 22 going on 23 in march. I still live at home. No offence to those who do the same thing. But I need my own life out of this house. I need to move out. To do this though I need to find atleast a semi real job. Not these bullshit jobs Ive been taking on. I dont know that I have the skills to get anything else. Seems Ive crawled under a rock. I dont know whats happenin with anyone these days. Fallen so far out of the loop. I dont even know whats happenin to some of my best friends in my life. Nearly found myself in tears reading back over past LJ posts of my friends I have here. I couldnt believe I was so far out of the loop. There was a day I used to see my name sparringly in posts here n there. From falling off the face of the LJ earth. It seems I dont exist in others lives anymore, just in the backs of their heads for what ever reason. Im not going to be psysically destructive with this depressiong. Do not worry about that, my promise to my friends will still be kept. Though all Ive not done in my life is possibly FAR worse then any cuts on wrists or poisoned bodies could do. Psycological wars are often fought in ones mind, many wars often lost. Im lookin for a win in this war so I let out a shout to other minds. Hopefully I will rally an army to help me in the war of the mind. Perhaps I will be able to raise a flag in victory for a change. Perhaps I will win. Goals in life: 1. Pass the GED test I fear so much. 2. Get a degree in massage therapy 3. Take a class in AutoCAD 4. Get a better paying job then Im used to 5. Move out 6. Find someone special 7. Get a life 8. Get in shape 9. Find the help I deperately need I appologize for the longer post (possibly my longest yet without cheating with spaces n such) I figured you all deserved an update in my life. I know I give SO many of them. There is possibly some things Ive left unsaid that is buzzing around my mind. I really wish I could have gotten it all out. Thanks for listening everyone. I apreciate your time spent. Current Mood: Lost in depressionCurrent Music: Rockapella - Shamballa |
| 2:52 am |
Very...
very....very....very depressed....more when i wake up....If i manage to sleep night all Current Mood: depressed |
| Thursday, July 21st, 2005 |
| 10:03 am |
Important note
Well today will be the first time I've taken a step forward in my life...in about....5 years I guess... Busy day ahead of me...deposit a government cheque for a measly 66 bucks..Go apply for the "Im too poor to pay for health insurance" form...(yes it isnt ALL free here in canada) most importantly...Ill be going to Bowvalley colledge to enroll in a GED course....yes you heard it...after having dropped out..I will finally have finished my highschool education...this will open up MANY doors for me...new jobs, new education...im rather excited to finally step forward! Its a short update but its important in my life...thought you should all know ^^ Current Mood:  excitedCurrent Music: Danny Elfman - Augustus Gloop |
| Tuesday, July 19th, 2005 |
| 9:18 pm |
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| Saturday, June 25th, 2005 |
| 11:42 pm |
Imma no interesting for you peoples addin me...so yeah Recently i bought a game over the net...my first import game...imported ALL the way from NEW YORK! hehee....well okay originally its from Japan.. Ive been wanting this game sicne before the Nintendo DS was released... Daigasso! Band-Brothers....VERY awesome music game! *licks the container happily* some of the best thigns about it..you dont just play one silly instrument (well only one at the time...but they have up to 8 different ones) the difficulty increases so you dont get bored of it...neat little feature when your doign the story..is you audition to make CDs basically..when you pass the audition..they actually give you contract to actually sign...not just type in name..you use the stylus to sign your name! very enat feature....the multiplayer (being DS only one person needs it..so i dont hafto make others get it) can play up to 8 players..all diff instruments...OR..what i found out..Infinite amount of players (dunno how that will work lol but it says in the options) When you get far enough into the game...it gives you the abillity to MAKE your own music..NO LONGER are you stuck with the music they give you..now you may create! and probly share to (I dunno as i cant read Japanese hehe) This game is SO FREAKIN WICKED! it makes me happy *ponders* scuse me...i need a towel *sweatdrop n runs off to clean up* Current Mood: ecstaticCurrent Music: Mario Medly (as played in Daigasso Band-Brothers) |
| Thursday, June 16th, 2005 |
| 8:34 am |
Anthrocon
Anthrocon goers let your voices be heard.... WHO IS GOING!? I know I am....and the load will be 500 pixy stix this year (if they arrive ontime) Anyone wanting me to look out for them? Tell me ^^ remind me whatyeah look like (pics n such so I can blackmail you later *grins*) Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: A B Start - Pineapples |
| Friday, June 3rd, 2005 |
| 6:33 pm |
Geeky note
For those of you transformer lovers...I have two announcements first Ill be auditioning the part of grimlock in the sabrina online radio play..been workin all day at gettin the voice right second...all of you who have the movie should take time to watch it this year sometime and reflect on the fact that it takes place in 2005 *silly grin* Current Mood:  geeky |
| Wednesday, May 25th, 2005 |
| 7:52 am |
A word for the wise
If you ever get your hands upon the audio book of the hitch hiker guide to the galaxy series...DO NOT...listen to it as your dozing off in bed... You will....have THE MOST....FUCKED UP...dreams youll ever think of.....i had a dream of probabilities....and let me tell you....i had to untie myself from my blanket knots....i dont know how i actually did it...but i couldnt just slide out of it...i had to untie my blankets from my body thanks to it thus I did not sleep well Current Mood: tired |
| Tuesday, May 24th, 2005 |
| 11:25 pm |
I was naughty. I wasn't bad. Bad is hurting people, doing evil. Naughty is not hurting anyone. Naughty is being amusing. Current Mood: weird |
| Tuesday, April 26th, 2005 |
| 6:01 pm |
I give up
Ive been told for the last time I dont know who I want to be with Fine You people tell me...who ever wants me as theres...I dont care who you are...Im yours....my heart confuses me too much apparently to let me decide...everyone is to far away from me and that Distance card is rubbed in my face all the time... I Fucking Give Up... I dont know what to do anymore...You tell me if you want me (and I dont mean as a friend want me....I mean as in a relationship....I cant fuckin stand havign all this shit rubbed in my god damned face anymore...One of the most important people in my life just gave up on me even though I say right out that I want to be with her....no...It wont work she says....i fucking give up You all tell me...I fucking dont know Current Mood: Broken |
| Saturday, March 26th, 2005 |
| 3:53 pm |
*ahem*
TTTHHHHPPPPPTTTT!!!!!! Thank you Preyfar and Nevar! You both rock! Current Mood: TTHHPPTT! |
| Friday, March 25th, 2005 |
| 3:32 pm |
The Man
The owners of the video store i was working at decided to go cheap...making both managers work like dogs...effectively shortening hours at work....they have staff...but seniority took over...which is fair...i was the last person to be hired...thus i was laid off today... I thought my life was lookin up alittle bit, being able to do stuff again...but once again im stepped on by the man.... Dont know what ill be doing int he near future...but ill have alot more time now *sighs* I actually enjoyed workin there to...Nick the manager...wasnt to happy with what he had to do either...he n the other staff enjoyed having me work there as it was.....so it wasnt his n their choice...the owners just kinda fucked everyone over... It will officially go down as I got laid off due to lack of hours...so i will be getting EI still..which in that i dont like....its not earned money *sighs* and now i hafto go job hunting yet again.... well take care everyone....i dont know how responsive i will be tonight if yeah msg me...ill try and smile for yeah n all (as in not hollow smiles) ill try n chat if you wanna talk...but dont be surprised if im alittle quiet Current Mood: crushed |
| Friday, March 4th, 2005 |
| 11:41 am |
Excuse me sir..that handbag seems to have something hanging from your body in it... Yeah I know...theres no other way for me to carry it though... Current Mood: amused |
| Thursday, March 3rd, 2005 |
| 5:50 pm |
Was asked to post this to spread word on OSPCA doing bad stuff
http://forsydney.hollosite.com/ My friend got his two dogs taken away from him 'cuz his mom filed false charges of animal abuse.. the charges were dropped but they murdered his GSD.. and they won't give the other dog back... was wondering if you could post it on your LJ and alert others of what the OSPCA is doing And if any of you would like to repost this in your journal...feel free to go ahead and do so, Knowledge is power afterall |
| 12:50 am |
Further thought
Birthday is march 11th thats next friday guys (not tomorrow) turnin 22...seems i get depressed every year just before my birthday..nothin works for them anymore This time...The incredibles is being released march 15th....woot right after my birthday i can treat myself....wrong...this is the only neat thing to happen to me lately...i work in a vid rental store....when movies release on vid..its usually on tuesdays...well we go get our movies on the friday prior to the release...thus I get The Incredibles DVD on my birthday before its released to the public....if people are interested i will be hosting a private pre release screening of it for my birthday (will also try n get friday off) current song im listenin to made me cry with my current annoyed depressed blank mood here are lyrics...enjoy My mind keeps drifting back to things we said this morning Now I'm sitting here alone watching the world pass me by Every time we part I fell like I'm falling No matter what you think I still love you You will always be a part of me No matter what we do You will always hold a piece of me Wherever I may go Always.... The sky gets darker and I sense that you are far and away I miss the times we had when things were going our way But every time we part you know how much it hurts me No matter what you think I still love you. You will always be a part of me No matter what we do You will always hold a piece of me Wherever I may go Always.... Current Mood: sadCurrent Music: E-Type - You Will Always Be A Part Of Me |
| 12:42 am |
Annoyed.....begone from my sight (have nothin exciting to post these days...nothing happens anymore..everyone is too busy for me these days) Current Mood: annoyedCurrent Music: Rcokapella - Shambala |
| Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005 |
| 1:07 am |
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